


Healing touch

by MonsterBoyf



Category: VIXX
Genre: Alternate Universe - World War II, Amputation, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, Love Letters, M/M, Minor Cha Hakyeon | N/Lee Hongbin, Nurses, Period-Typical Homophobia, Pining, Slow Burn, This Is Not Going To Go The Way You Think
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2020-10-14 16:21:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20603726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MonsterBoyf/pseuds/MonsterBoyf
Summary: Wonshik has been on the battle field for over a year. January, he wakes up in a pristine hospital with a nurse fretting over him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is said in terms of Wonshik's amputation is not to cause offense and is more reflective of the time period. I'm very much an able bodied person so please call me out on any of my bullshit

Wonshik whined as he slipped from his dreamless sleep. It was quiet, and it was warm. Something wasn’t right. Where was he? He sat up quickly at a stabbing pain. Movement only made it worse. It extended up through his whole body and he clutched his heart trying to calm down. 

“Easy, easy. Lay back down.” 

Wonshik was in a hospital, surrounded by other beds with curtains serving as partitions. There must have been a window behind him because light was pooled about him. The gentle sunlight also shone on the person in front of him. Clean, dressed in white, beautiful. This was not a field doctor. What happened to him to allow a trip to the hospital? Was he discharged? The man eased him back into relaxing on the bed. His hands were large but gentle. This was not a field doctor. His features were sharp, not in a masculine sense but more of a… magical manner? Like all those features shouldnt manage to coexist on one face. He was brunette. His bangs were pinned back behind his ears so there was nothing obstructed his vision. He had a sympathetic look, eyes full of compassion and mouth tugged into a worried frown. This was not a field doctor. He sat down on the bed beside Wonshik. 

"How bad is the damage, doc?" 

"I'm just your nurse." As he spoke, the nurse tapped Wonshik's thigh. His hands were cold. Wonshik reflexively looked to that large hand. 

His heart plummeted to the floor. That would explain the pain that woke him up. The nurse's hand took up his thigh, rested over bandages, bandages that wrapped around his whole knee. The rest was gone. His left leg just stopped at his knee. Wonshik felt sick. The nurse took his hand away. Both sat folded in his lap. Wonshik's mind was a mile away.

"What happened…?" The nurse sighed, looking away. 

"You came here due to severe bleeding and hypothermia. It was cold, you were shot. It took time for someone to get you and bring you here. By the time you did, this was the best the doctor could do." His voice was soft, apologetic. Wonshik ran a hand over the top edge of the bandages, breathless. He didn't remember it, any of it. He knew he was fighting… getting sluggish. The field was snowy, right by a river that had nearly frozen over. Men shouting. Guns. Grenades. Snow was red and brown, soiled. Then, he woke up here, one limb short. 

The nurse had a file in his hands now.

"The cold damaged your nerves, it would have been more difficult keeping it." Wonshik stared again, trying to picture what he'd look like now, how Taekwoon would respond when he finally came home. He'd be on crutches, or even worse yet, a wheelchair. He'd have to be helped out of the seat of the car. He couldn't have the elder bound into his arms. Wonshik slowly tilted his head up to look at the nurse. 

"Did you call anyone? Do they know what happened?" Jaehwan blinked before rising from the bed and nodding. He put the folder on the nightstand. 

"We contacted your family, as did your captain." Wonshik's heart fell right back into its spot on the floor. He didn't know yet. Taekwoon didn't know he was hurt. Wonshik could have died and no one would have told him. 

"I need to talk to someone, please. They're not family but he has to hear this." Wonshik moved like he was ready to climb out of bed. He stopped at his own realization. The nurse put a hand to his shoulder. 

"You can make a call after I reapply your bandages. They have to be cleaned and replaced." Jaehwan pulled over the night table, apparently it had wheels. Atop it were bandages, scissors, what Wonshik assumed was his disinfectant. 

"Do I have to watch?" 

"No, but someday you'll need to know how to do this yourself." The nurse took his leg and unwound the bandage with ease. He'd done this a lot. Wonshik didn't want to, but he naturally watched the nurse's motions. Fresh stitches were revealed. 

"What do I call you?" Wonshik tried to sound conversational. Fear was edging his tone. 

"Call me?"

"Your title, name. I don't think you want me calling you nurse sunshine." The nurse looked up with brows raised. 

"Sunshine?" Wonshik pointed behind him. 

"The light shining on you. Very magical." The nurse ducked his head, going back to unwrapping Wonshik.

"Nurse Lee. Jaehwan." 

"Wonshik. Kim." 

"I could find that much out in your file," Jaehwan muttered, sneaking a glance up at Wonshik with a small smile. 

"Cheeky," Wonshik spat back, playful. Jaehwan grabbed the disinfectant from the table, unwrapping the dark glass bottle. 

"It's a trait of mine. You'll want to grab onto the sides, I'm afraid this stings." Wonshik grabbed the sides of the bed tightly. He forced himself to focus on Jaehwan's face and not his own leg. 

"Fuck!" Wonshik swore and the noise echoed in the spacious, quiet hospital room. Jaehwan just silently continued, sanitizing his stitches before grabbing the fresh bandages. It burnt. It felt like Jaehwan had popped open a bottle of pure alcohol and poured it onto his fresh scars. It felt like he had lit Wonshik on fire. Wonshik's knuckles were white with how tightly he grasped onto the bed sides. He heaved for breath coming down from the assault on his nerves. 

"It will get easier once you heal." Jaehwan was winding the bandages tightly. 

"Do you have to do that everyday?" Wonshik asked with his head still hung and still wheezing for breath. 

"For now. You'll heal and then it'll just be bandages. Then, nothing. You should only be here for a month." A month. He could handle that. It was better than being out in the field. There was no time to recover there. Just keep going, going, going. He could handle this big, silent, empty room for a month. He laid back in his bed in a sudden wave of exhaustion. At least there was his nurse. He seemed like polite company. Jaehwan stood up and threw away the old, bloody bandages. Wonshik ran a hand over his left thigh. "Do you still want to make that call, Wonshik?" Jaehwan asked once he returned to the soldier's bedside. Wonshik nodded, staring up at the ceiling. 

"Yes, yes I still need to talk to him." Jaehwan nodded. He excused himself. 

Jaehwan returned with a wheelchair, and also another man behind him. He was big, enough to be another soldier himself. He had a baby's face however, limiting his intimidation. 

“Who’s this?” 

“This is nurse Han. I just got him so you could get in as painlessly as possible.” Wonshik looked to nurse Han with wide eyes. He was supposed to lift up the bag of bricks that was Wonshik? How strong was this man? Han came to his bedside and gestured him over, summoning him to the edge. Wonshik dragged himself over. 

“Count of three. One,” he slipped his hands under Wonshik’s legs, well, leg and a half, and around his back, “Two, three.” Wonshik squeaked as he was hoisted up like a bride. He made it look so easy. Han placed him into the wheelchair as gently as he could. Wonshik looked at him in awe.

“How did _ you _ not get drafted?” Han gave a short laugh. He had a delightful smile. 

“We are sincerely short on doctors, and someone has to lift up all these big soldiers.” Wonshik flushed. He wasn’t able to dwell on it though. Jaehwan turned his wheelchair around for him and began to walk down the room, in between all the beds. 

“Thank you for the help!” Wonshik called, looking back to the larger nurse. He laughed and waved him off. 

“No problem!” Wonshik sat back probably in his seat, grasping the armrests. At the very last bed was another man, asleep. He slept through Wonshik basically screaming in the empty room? 

“You are very polite,” Jaehwan complimented. His pace was quick as he pushed Wonshik along. 

“If he didn’t help, I would have had to crawl into the chair.” Jaehwan giggled and Wonshik thought of it fondly as tiny bells chiming. 

“Who’s to say I couldn’t lift you?” Wonshik scoffed, amused. 

“You’re the size of my sister and I probably weigh as much as two of you.” The nurse pouted his lips and huffed. He had wheeled Wonshik to a front desk. A woman was filling paperwork and Jaehwan pulled down the phone for him. He looked expectantly with his hand on the rotary wheel. Wonshik eagerly dictated the number, praying Taekwoon was home. Jaehwan turned the wheel for each number, respectfully jiffy about it. 

“Hello? Who is this?” A woman’s voice had answered. Not Taekwoon’s mother, not his own, not his or Taekwoon’s sisters. This was an absolute stranger. Wonshik was desperate though. 

“Is there a Jung Taekwoon?” 

“Not here no. Did you dial wrong?” Wonshik drew in a breath, trying to not seem upset. That was fine. Taekwoon couldn't be upset if Wonshik couldn't contact him, right?

“Yes, yes it appears so. I’m sorry for the interruption, ma’am.” He handed the phone back to Jaehwan, silently asking him to hang it up.

“What’s wrong?”

“Where is this hospital?” Jaehwan blinked.

“Saemon?” 

“Saemon? No wonder it didn’t work.” Wonshik ran hands over his face, groaning. Jaehwan put down the phone and immediately squatted beside him so he could be eye level in the wheelchair.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. I can send out a letter for you. I’ll even make it priority if this friend is so important to you.” 

“You don’t need to do that,” Wonshik spoke into his hands. 

“You said he needs to know. This is an emergency.” Wonshik grabbed the armrests as he was suddenly turned around and rushed back to the room. Jaehwan was basically jogging down the hall at this point. 

“You really don’t need to write for me,” Wonshik spoke as he looked up at the ceiling. Jaehwan hushed him, sitting at the table beside him with a pen and paper. 

“Hush, you must rest. I shouldn’t have been moving you around so much after your surgery in the first place. Now, just dictate and I’ll write.” His voice was chipper. He was determined. Wnshik racked his brain for what to have Jaehwan write. 

“Dear Taekwoon,” he started before spelling the man’s name for Jaehwan. The nurse was a quick writer. He was probably a secretary in some past occupation. 

“I wish this letter could reach you under better circumstances. I’m back home, but I’m in the hospital in Saemon. Even now, I’m having my lovely nurse write this for me.” The compliment earned him a smile from Jaehwan before he went back to quickly writing. “I hope to see you as soon as possible. Having my closest friend beside me would truly help at this point. I don’t think I myself would be the best company, but I would give anything for you to just be here to fret over me.” Wonshik became distracted in his words. He saw Taekwoon in his mind and just poured out as much of his heart as he could. It had been a year. His heart was flooded with longing every time he heard the name. “They told my family when I first arrived, but I doubt they will come. Just one familiar face would mean the world to me. I am in good care by my nurse,” he looked to Jaehwan with a smile, "but we’ll have to get acquainted. I think you’d like him. He’s full of smiles. I woke up to him in the sunlight and it was like he was surrounded in fairy dust.” 

“Sir..” Jaehwan looked at him with wide eyes, embarrassed. Wonshik just smiled, very satisfied with himself. 

"He's got the best bedside manners ‘ve ever seen. I’ve only been awake an hour and he’s already won me over.” Jaehwan blinked. He could not move, could not talk. He was pretty sure he had died right at that moment. Wonshik was still looking at him, still smiling up at him from his bed. 

“Do you… you want me to write that?” Wonshik hummed, putting arms back behind his head with a smile. 

“Absolutely.” Jaehwan stared at the paper before hesitantly writing. This was going to be a nerve invoking job. 

“Is that all you want to say?” Wonshik opened his eyes, dropping the smile and making a more innocent, sincere expression. 

“Would you tell him what happened? Exactly? He’ll be scared if he doesn’t know what actually happened to me.” Jaehwan nodded, turning back to the paper in determination and quickly summarizing his patients condition. 

“Wonshik was admitted into the hospital at two am with severe nerve damage from acute hypothermia, internal bleeding, and wounds from shrapnel. The surgeons assessed him and determined the best action for his health was removing the affected leg. We estimate he will be here for a month of recovery, after which he will have to attend physical therapy."

"After waking up and me cleaning his wounds, his first notion was to speak to you. He was very adamant and we made a failed attempt at the phone before writing this letter. He obviously cares for you, and I hope you can be here soon to accompany him. I will do my very best to care for him in your absence. You have a very, very charming friend. Do write back for your friend." Jaehwan put down his period with satisfaction before sitting up and looking to Wonshik. Words were on the tip of his tongue, but they fell off silently as he saw the soldier asleep. His arms still served as a pillow and soft snores rumbled. He still had to sleep off the pain medication. Jaehwan looked back to the letter in his hand. His handwriting was legible, the contents were exactly what Wonshik requested. Jaehwan folded the paper and stepped away from the bed once more. He moved to the nurses office where he could find a desk of materials, envelopes included. He had to do this for Wonshik and do it well. This was an important mission. He thought fondly of his new patient as he filled out the return address. Such a pleasant man. Charming, handsome, loyal. He was a perfect package.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really need to work on pick your poison after this... or prodigium...


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jaehwan falls in love so easy it's almost laughable, but what can you do? Idk if this is even a good or long enough chapter but-

The birds were singing again, sunshine was pouring in through the window. The world was at peace, where Wonshik was gritting his teeth to manage the pain. Everything ached and cloyed for Wonshik's attention. His nerves were alight. His leg felt as though the wound had just happened. His breathing was shallow trying to manage. The only prayer he had was for Jaehwan to come soon and help him in any way. He just wanted the suffocating weight of the pain off of him, if only briefly. His hands were shaking as he curled up beneath the blanket, as though hiding would help anything. 

An angel of mercy, Jaehwan was beside him. His gentle hands rolled Wonshik onto his backside. His honey voice spoke to him, questioned how badly it hurt. Not if it hurt. Wonshik said eight. Jaehwan vanished again with a promise of return. Wonshik was shivering in the open air of the hospital. He wasn't going to cry, not under any circumstances would he let Jaehwan see or hear that. Only Taekwoon had such a luxury. 

“Sit up for me, dear.” Jaehwan pulled Wonshik up, the soldier whining all the way. “Sh, I know. This will help though.” Jaehwan held a collection of pills in his open palm. Wonshik took them, letting Jaehwan give him a drink from the glass of water he brought. He pet Wonshik’s head as though he were a scared horse. At that moment, Wonshik was in a way. A bulky creature full of strength reduced to whining and shuddering. Jaehwan eased him back down into the bed. He rubbed up and down Wonshik’s arm in a comforting motion. “Has it been like this all night?”

“Yes,” Wonshik choked out. The nurse’s lips pursed in a pout. 

“Centralized to your leg?”

“It’s everywhere. I feel like I got hit by a truck.” 

“You’re probably going through shock or rejecting the medicine.” Wonshik tried to be subtle about the way he clutched his thigh to brace for a new wave of assault on his nerves. 

“Sorry.” Jaehwan pulled the bandages from the drawer. Wonshik took a sharp breath seeing them and figuring out what had to happen next. 

“You don’t need to apologize for a thing. Rejection is not an uncommon response. Leg.” Wonshik pulled the sheet off his side, giving Jaehwan room to work. He undid the bandages even more gingerly than before. Wonshik had to control his breathing. Every touch felt like nails on glass taken physical form. Jaehwan talked through it, seemingly trying to distract him. 

“I sent out your letter last night. It should garner a response soon.” He dropped the old bandages into the wastebasket. “I don’t have any other patients except Mr. Su at the end. I could sit and read with you.” 

“You don't need to do that.”

“It’s better to have company in misery than to be alone.” He wrapped new bandages around, not even addressing how sage his words were. Wonshik let out a breath as he was allowed to put his leg back down. 

“What book is it?” Jaehwan smiled. 

“I think you’ll like it.” 

It was a thick novel that Jaehwan returned with, along with another blanket. He must have noticed Wonshik’s shivering. The nurse sat on the bed beside Wonshik, all smiles and soft happiness. He lay the blanket mostly over Wonshik but partly over his own folded legs. 

“You’re quite sentimental, eh?” Wonshik questioned, tilting his head to see the title of the book.  _ Bees and Lavender _ . Jaehwan opened the brown book to a simple scrap paper bookmark. 

“Romance is good for the soul, and you need something to relax you, not work you up.” Wonshik shifted back against his pillows. Fair enough. 

“Am I a summary then? You seem pretty far ahead.” The nurse closed the book again and turned slightly to Wonshik. His face was alight with excitement. The ache in Wonshik’s bones lessened. 

“Of course! It takes place on this delightful little flower farm where this girl has been living ever since her parents passed away. One day…”

Jaehwan was a wonderful storyteller, albeit a bit scatterbrained. You could see how much he cared for the book though. Wonshik couldn’t recall having ever reading romance in his life, but Jaehwan’s joy was infectious and he was ready to agree to listen to any of the genre should Jaehwan suggest it. In certain instances he began to tune out the chatter, instead just taking in Jaehwan’s expressions. He had an interesting big nose. His curls sat adorably atop his head, making him appear younger than he likely actually was. His large hands held the book tightly as he talked, or flipped through the pages to show Wonshik a direct quote. He had the softest dark round eyes that caught the sunlight from the window. He was soft. His reading voice was delightful. Wonshik simply stared at him as he read from where he had last left off. He even did voices, how cute. Wonshik suddenly felt a pang of homesickness. 

“She looked upon the man in shock, taking in his lithe form and filthy appearance. He was a rat of a man and she took well caution to step away when he moved in. She-”

“You have a lovely voice…” Jaehwan stopped in the middle of his reading, turning to look back at Wonshik. His eyes were closed and he was relaxed into his pillows. He had a faint smile. 

“Pardon?” 

“You remind me of those people who read to kids at the libraries. I like it. It’s very cute.” Jaehwan cleared his throat, feeling his cheeks grow a little hot.

“Sir-” 

“Taekwoon and I used to read together. It was mostly mysteries though. He has a good voice for the tense moments…” He opened his eyes, looking up to the ceiling briefly before looking to Jaehwan with a slight smirk. “You fit romance much more though, sunshine.” Jaehwan quickly whipped his head away, sure he was red up to his ears. He’d certainly have to tell Sanghyuk about this when he came home tonight. 

“I have no idea what you mean.”

“Your voice is all light and happy. You don’t seem bashful reading the more,” He whispered the next part before laughing, “ _ intense _ parts.”

“You are severely neglected if you think this is intense! And I- you have to read every part seriously if you’re reading for someone else!” Jaehwan was absolutely red now. Wonshik laughed even more so. Jaehwan groaned and buried his head in the pages.  _ It’s not that intense! _ At most what Jaehwan read was an intimate kiss. This book was relatively chaste compared to others! Wonshik’s mind was just indecent because of the war. That’s what it had to be. 

Jaehwan lifted his head quickly at an audible wince and the death of the laugh. Wonshik’s face was twisted into a scowl holding his side. His leg wasn’t his only issue. Laughing probably put too much pressure on his healing wounds. 

“Are you okay?”

“Fine. It’s my punishment for teasing.” Jaehwan moved closer. His knees were atop Wonshik’s lap while his feet sat off to the side. 

“Would you like me to continue..?”

“Please.” 

"He brushed her hair behind her ear, exposing her delicate face. She looked up at him with batted breathe, lashes batting. She seemed almost fairy like in the moonlight, surrounded by the lavender. The stalks brushed against their legs. Their cloaks caught the wind. He held her jaw, leaning into her. Her lips were icy from the cool-" Jaehwan lost his concentration at a loud noise. He looked at Wonshik beside him. The soldier had pulled him closer earlier. The excuse was wanting to read along, follow the words as Jaehwan read them. They laid beside one another. The noise proved itself to be a snore. Wonshik's eyes were closed, lips parted, head on Jaehwan's shoulder. His breathes were deep. His face was relaxed. Jaehwan stared a moment more before returning his bookmark. Hesitantly, he reached over. He moved hair from the soldier's head. Wonshik only twitched at the cold finger tips touching his forehead. He shifted closer to Jaehwan's heat. He gave a pleasant hum, a practical human purr. The nurse flushed once more.

  
  


Sanghyuk looked up from his paper at the opening of the front door. Jaehwan stepped into their studio apartment, falling into his bed with a puff. Sanghyuk turned down the radio but looked back to his paper again. 

"What's the dilemma this time?"

"I'm head deep in infatuation," Jaehwan whined, speaking into his pillow. 

"Who is it this time, tender heart?" 

"The new patient is so sweet and handsome. He calls me sunshine and teases me and when he smiles…" Jaehwan gave a blissful sigh. He was on his back now, hugging his pillow as he stared up at the ceiling. 

"Mhm." Sanghyuk did not turn around to look at him. This was not in the slightest new.

"It's such a good smile. His eyes crinkle and you can see his pretty perfect teeth. His laugh is heavenly, Sanghyuk. It's like holy choir."

"Didn't he only come in Sunday night? You've known each other for two days?" Sanghyuk turned around in his chair to smirk at Jaehwan. The nurse pouted his lips, crossing his arms. 

"So what if that's true? Don't you believe in love at first sight?" Sanghyuk snorted. He nudged Jaehwan on the bed with his foot. 

"It's called lust, you naive little fairy." Jaehwan gaped at his roommate. 

"It is not lust! I think he's a handsome darling and I want to take care of him and read to him in bed and get kisses when he comes home to me making dinner." 

"Why don't you act like a doting housewife here then? The dishes are forming their own bacteria colony in the sink." Jaehwan threw a stuffed bear at the younger. 

"I'm not your mother; take care of yourself!" 

"And your not this random soldier's mother either!"

"There is a big difference between a mother and a spouse!" 

"Not the way you describe it. And how do you know he's not already taken?" Jaehwan played with the corner of the pillow in his clutch, lips somehow pouting further. 

"Well I don't  _ know _ , but he's never mentioned one and no one came to visit. The first person he wanted to talk to was a  _ friend _ ." Sanghyuk rolled his eyes, turning back to his work. 

"You are so delusional, fairy."

"I am not! Why would he flirt with me if he had something back home?" 

"Maybe he's just returning your bedside manner." Jaehwan huffed, falling backwards again so he could glare at the ceiling.

"It means something, Sanghyuk. I feel something between us." 

"And I feel like I'm going to vomit listening to you wax sentiments." 

"Sanghyuk!" Sanghyuk put up his hand in defense. 

"Fine, fine. Talk about your crush on this  _ stranger  _ and act like romance always works like your books." 

"I can't get happy endings as easy as someone like you, Sanghyuk. Forgive me for being a little delusional when the only other option is facing the fact I could get arrested if I told this to anyone else." A tense silenced followed Jaehwan's irritation. Sanghyuk was good to him, the closest friend he had, but sometimes he didnt understand. He couldnt sympathize with how fantasy was the only way Jaehwan could find a happy ending with a lover. He was an ally to Jaehwan, but he had issues trying to think in other perspectives. 

"I'm sorry." 

"It's fine. I'm just worked up."

"You can keep talking about your crush if you want. I was being cruel." Jaehwan sighed. 

"I just like him, and being with me all the time, I think hell start liking me. I just get a feeling with him, that we could work out and life could be happy." 

"When?"

"Huh?" Sanghyuk looked back at Jaehwan over his shoulder.

"When do you feel it with him?"

"When he acts all sweet. Everytime he smiles and calls me sunshine I feel this inkling, that maybe…" Sanghyuk nodded. 

"How long is he going to be at the hospital?" 

"A month, maybe more if his body keeps rejecting the medicine like it did today." 

"One of those days." Jaehwan nodded. 

"He was so pitiful, Sanghyuk. I felt so terrible. He was shaking all over and he could barely speak without wincing at first. He couldn't laugh it hurt him so much." 

"What did you do then?"

"I sat down and read with him. He was so sweet about it, asking questions and making little comments. He didn't even whine about the genre. He fell asleep on me while I was reading." Sanghyuk let out a breathe of a laugh.

"That would do it alright." 

“I love him, Hyukie,” Jaehwan mumbled, eyes distant. 

“I know, Jae.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> contact Info:  
[Tumblr](https://minoru-hayashi.tumblr.com)  
[Twitter](https://twitter.com/russ__Ant)  
[DA](https://www.deviantart.com/rus-ant)  
[Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.me/russ__Ant)  



	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jaehwan, you fool, this is why we don't get feelings fast.

"Alright, on three. One, two, three!" Sanghyuk lifted Wonshik from the bed, onto his good leg. He wrapped the soldier's arm around his neck and walked him over to the wheelchair. Wonshik sat down with a huff from the effort it took. 

"Thank you, nurse Han," he spoke to Sanghyuk, offering a smile. Sanghyuk smiled back. 

"Call me, Sanghyuk. Good luck with the doctor." Wonshik nodded and Jaehwan stepped behind his wheelchair. Jaehwan practically sparkled in Wonshik's proximity. 

"Thank you, Sanghyuk. And I'll be able to get him for the bath?" 

"Unless you're as weak as you seem," Sanghyuk teased, leaving the two. Jaehwan sounded an offended squeak. Wonshik laughed at the two of them. 

"You two seem to get along well." 

"We're roommates." Wonshik looked up at Jaehwan while the nurse pushed his wheelchair forward.

"Really?" 

"Yes, we've stayed together a few years now. That's why he thinks he can be so mean to me." Wonnshik looked forward, humming.

"Interesting. I thought you seemed close." Jaehwan nodded. Being so head deep in infatuation and being aware of it meant that now he felt so giddy with his patient. He was walking on air pushing him to the surgeon's office. 

"It's no field of daisies. I often think of just smothering him in the morning." Wonshik barked out a laugh and Jaehwan felt his insides go mushy. Such a darling laugh. Another nurse opened the doctor's door for them, letting the two in. 

"Ah, there you are! I was wondering when I would get to see you cognizant." The surgeon closed the file he was looking in as Jaehwan pushed Wonshik up to the desk. He put his hands politely on his lap. What a gentleman. 

"I'm sorry it took so long then." The surgeon waved him off. 

"Nonsense, Hakyeon, get Jaehwan a chair, would you?" The other nurse in the room nodded, bowing his head before ducking out of the office. The surgeon stood from his desk. 

"Dr. Lee Hongbin, head and only surgeon here. It's a pleasure to meet you outside the operating room." Wonshik shook his hand, very firm. Jaehwan didn't realize he'd stuck himself to the wall staring. 

"I hope I wasn't too difficult." Hongbin snorted. His dimple showed on one side of his smile. 

"Cheeky, I like you." Hongbin moved back around his desk, peeping into the file. It was a copy of Wonshik's. "Jaehwan says you started rejecting the pain killers." Wonshik nodded. Jaehwan was so fixated on his side profile he didn't notice Hakyeon bringing in a chair for him. 

"Unfortunately. It felt like I had gotten crushed, and it was so cold, colder than it should have been." Hongbin nodded, writing in a notepad. 

"You may sit, Jaehwan," Nurse Hakyeon spoke, gently pulling Jaehwan's sleeve. He stumbled to sit down, embarrassed. Hakyeon gave a little smile. He stood at Hongbin's side, prim and pretty. 

"It might have been the anesthesia from the surgery wore off, or you really were rejecting it." He glanced up at the other to ask a question before realizing his mistake. "Oh, right. This is Cha Hakyeon. He helped me in your surgery." Hakyeon bowed his head, smiling at Wonshik.

"A pleasure."

"You're a surgeon too?" 

"I'm studying." Hongbin stole his attention again, speaking to his apprentice. Wonshik looked to Jaehwan when the nurse’s hand sat on his. They exchanged a little smile. This wasn't as bad as Wonshik thought it would be. Hongbin wasn't at all threatening and they all seemed very considerate of him. Jaehwan seemed a little off, but he'd never shared Wonshik's attention before. Maybe he just had a very professional relationship with Hongbin. 

"I think that would be best, an addiction would just keep him longer, and it's not like we're going to run out. We can wean him off after a week or so." Wonshik had tuned out the surgeons. Hongbin nodded and turned his attention back to Wonshik, who was lost in the shuffle. 

"We're going to put you back on morphine for a time and see how that plays out. It should react better and we won't need to give you as large of a dose. I want Hakyeon to do some bloodwork first though." Wonshik nodded. 

"If I never wake up like that again, I'll take anything." Hongbin gave a little breath of a laugh. 

"Yes, this should work out. How has everything else been?" He looked at both Jaehwan and Wonshik now. "Any phantom pains? Jaehwan treating you well?" 

"Oh, I couldn't ask for a better nurse. He's doing wonderful." It took all Jaehwan had not to duck his head and giggle. Wonshik knew just what to say. 

"I'm glad." Hongbin handed the file over to Hakyeon. "That's all we had to take care of then. I hope we won't have to see each other under these terms again." Wonshik laughed and agreed. He shook hands with the surgeon again, and to Hakyeon's surprise, the nurse as well. Jaehwan had filled with fondness again over how much of a gentleman his beau was. Jaehwan rose and bowed his head to the two before pushing Wonshik out of the office. 

"They were nice." 

"Yes, Hongbin and Hakyeon are very agreeable at times. You should have seen them when you came in though. They're very different people under pressure." Wonshik nodded slowly, intrigued. 

"What about you?"

"Huh?"

"How were you when I arrived?" Jaehwan blinked, then looked away. 

"I wasn't here. Sanghyuk and I were back home. I saw you in the morning before you woke up." Jaehwan remembered it distinctly. His heart ached with the information, even more so when he found out he'd be in charge of Wonshik. Seeing him was flooring though. He was handsome, rugged. His hair had obviously been shaved, but neglected for some time on the battlefield. His black bangs sat messily on his forehead. He somehow looked so attractive when he slept, so at peace. Jaehwan's love and fascination with soldiers were certainly proven when he first saw Wonshik. 

"Do you still have the energy to wash up?" 

"Yes. Even if I didn't, I'd still take it. I haven't had a real bath in years." Jaehwan smiled at his patient. The poor thing. 

"I hope you aren't too disappointed then. We can't quite do real baths yet."

"Do you have hot water?"

"Of course!"

"Then I'll be happy." Jaehwan went a little weak-kneed at that cheeky smile. 

The washroom they used was about the size of Hongbin's office. The entire floor was tile, and there was a drain in the center with a stool over it. The bathtub and toilet both had handles for those who had a mobility that was merely just limited. Sanghyuk had already moved what Jaehwan needed in. To empty water basins, soap, rags, and towels sat on the bathtub's edge. Jaehwan rolled Wonshik in and locked the door for the sake of his privacy. 

"I can get a new gown if you'd prefer to not be completely nude." Wonshik reached back and undid the back of his hospital gown. 

"It's okay. There was no such thing as a private bath out there. We're both men here." Jaehwan meekly nodded. He could see Wonshik's back muscles now, defined and pretty. He had to keep chaste thoughts in mind, treat Wonshik with respect. He stepped over and helped him out of the wheelchair. Carefully, they moved so Wonshik could sit on the short stool. Jaehwan pulled the robe off of him and completely averted his eyes. He turned around to the supplies instead, folding Wonshik's robe.  _ Don't look, don't look, don't look.  _

Jaehwan turned on the bathtub tap, gathering warm water in the basin. He froze and nearly dropped it looking down at Wonshik. He was  _ all _ brawn, and his skin looked absolutely ethereal. He had bruises and scars, yet that only seemed to add to it. A strong man who could protect and take care of Jaehwan? His head was spinning. 

"I'm going to. . .pour this over you." 

Wonshik nodded. His eyes looked so pretty looking up at him. Jaehwan took a shaky step forward and Wonshik closed his eyes. Jaehwan took a fortifying breath before slowly pouring the water over him. They needed to keep his stitches dry for now. It was almost torturous, watching Wonshik arch from the sudden warmth, watching water trickle down all his hard curves and edges. He even let out a pleased hum that was deadly. He laughed at the water pouring over his hair. Jaehwan whined and replaced the water. He saturated his washrag and got the soap before returning to Wonshik. Why was he even more handsome wet? Jaehwan wrapped the bar of soap with the rag and began to rub it over Wonshik's back. Jaehwan was practically salivating. 

"When will I be able to wash on my own?"

"Well, you'll have to get more practice walking on your own, and the stitches have to heal, so not for a while? I'm sorry."

"It's alright, sunshine." Oh god Wonshik was trying to kill him now, wasn't he? Wonshik lifted his arm for Jaehwan to lather too. Jaehwan noticed a scar running down his bicep. 

"What's this from? If you don't mind." He ran a finger over the scar in intrigue before moving on. 

"Training. Tore my arm up during crawls." He pointed to a scar right across his collar bone. "This was from a fight in high school. He pulled a switchblade on me." Jaehwan's jaw dropped, which was apparently funny to Wonshik. 

"Were you alright?! Why would they do that?!" Wonshik shrugged, taking up some of the soap on his body and rubbing it over his neck. 

"I was fine, but my mom rushed me off to the hospital when I came home. We didn't plan it, so I should have been prepared if he had something on him." Jaehwan moved to wash the other arm. 

"Why were you fighting?" Wonshik looked down at the tiles. He was silent for a moment. 

"He liked to pick on Taekwoon and me. Taek came to me crying about it one day and that was the final straw." 

"What did they do…?" Wonshik rolled his shoulders, uncomfortable. 

"They liked to shove him around and call him queer, fairy. The sadistic bastard twisted him up and terrified him. He came straight to me, and I went right back to that no good son of a bitch for payback." 

Jaehwan was frozen, staring unblinkingly at Wonshik. He'd never heard the tender heart talk like that, look so enraged. And that story… did that mean Jaehwan had any chance? That if he were to talk to Wonshik, confess how he felt, he wouldn't be shunned away? Accused of sodomy? It seemed too good to be true. He could have just been offended the bullies would insinuate that about his friend. But then, that didn't seem like Wonshik. That didn't seem like the sweetheart Jaehwan knew. 

"Sorry I dumped that on you." Jaehwan snapped out of his thoughts.

"It's okay." He got more water and rinsed Wonshik off while worrying about his lip. His mind was going a mile a minute. A possible chance with Wonshik? It was a dream come true, a small sympathy from a generally indifferent god. Jaehwan got the soap and washed Wonshik's back, the planes of muscles. He tripped fingertips slowly over each bump of his spine. Wonshik gasped and tensed at a scrape of the nail. That was a sight for sore eyes, watching his back tense and all the muscles move together. Jaehwan had to fight the urge to drool. "I'm always here to listen." 

Jaehwan took a knee to continue further down. He had little back dimples, how cute. His shoulders were so wide compared to his waist. Jaehwan's held his hips, practically buzzing inside. He lathered the soldier breathlessly before moving. He sat on his knees in front of Wonshik and was struck by his eyes. Captivating the way water on his face caught the light. He was like a marble statue, buffed to perfection. An ode to a beautiful god. Jaehwan had to blink several times to remember where he was. 

"Jaehwan?"

"Sorry, sorry." He took the basin and rinsed Wonshik off again. That was too close. Much too close. He should say something before he got too cocky. Before the heat of the moment took him away before he gave the right words to Wonshik.  _ I'm infatuated with you _ , Jaehwan thought as he washed Wonshik's face, his strong neck.  _ I want to be closer _ , Jaehwan considered as he ran the cloth over Wonshik's chest, his ribs.  _ God forgive my fault of an aching heart, _ Jaehwan mused as he watched Wonshik twist and squirm under his soapy hands. A hand grabbed his wrist and pulled him from his mind. 

"Would you," Wonshik gulped. He was absolutely pink, ashamed. "Would you allow me a few moments alone?" Jaehwan blinked out him, stupefied from his detailed train of thought. "I promise I won’t get up or try to move much. I would just- like a moment." 

"Oh- _ oh _ ! Right, yes, of course." Jaehwan stood and lost his spacial awareness. He looked around him before filling up the water basin again and leaving Wonshik with the soap and rag. "I will just wait outside the door. Just a call away." Jaehwan gave a nervous laugh before quickly stepping out. With his back pressed against the door, he took a breath. Oh dear lord. 

He had touched Wonshik, nearly felt a confession on his lips. And Wonshik, he'd been so deprived out on that field, and felt so safe with Jaehwan, that his careless touch flustered him. Jaehwan had touched him and stirred a reaction. The nurse's heart raced. Now he simply must say something! He leaned his ear to the door, a hand on the handle. Quiet. The slosh of water. A sigh Jaehwan ended up taking with him. Jaehwan pictured taking it with him, pictured  _ him _ . Water running down him, eyes closed and head back. There was a fog lurking in Jaehwan's skull. The nurse paid no heed when he heard a moan. It was soft, quiet. Jaehwan touched his own lips thinking of it passing Wonshik's. 

There was no sloshing of water. This was not bathing. There was a distinct flavor of jealousy, that Jaehwan hadn't considered. He wanted to help. He would have begged to help. Just one man, one man he could really touch,  _ love _ , and be felt and loved in return. Wonshik had someone to care for him, though that nurturer stayed silent on the other end of the lavatory door. A simple explanation and confession and Jaehwan could be there. He could accompany Wonshik through everything, he could milk out those soft moans he was hearing now. He was the one taking care of him now, arousing him as he obviously had. It could obviously work. Jaehwan was itching to open that door. 

" _ Damn _ …" 

Jaehwan mouthed the word after he heard it. That rumbling voice.  _ Oh, sunshine _ . Jaehwan would melt if he were to hear that. Hear that pet name dance with aching need. Did Wonshik think of him? Did he picture the sweet nurse that accidentally teased this reaction out of him?

" _ Taekwoon…" _

Jaehwan's heart shattered where it fell at his feet. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> contact Info:  
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	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.. so close to finally getting Taekwoon 
> 
> My darling wife edited and beta-ed once again we all say thanks lol

"Jaehwan, will you stop playing that abysmal song? I'm going to hear it in my nightmares." Jaehwan ignored his roommate, scowling as he scurried at the pot in the sink violently. Jaehwan had been listening to the same record, the same  _ song _ , since he got home. It was the one thing holding him back from tearing apart the house in grief other than a disgruntled Sanghyuk.  _ I fall in love too fast. I fall in love too terribly hard.  _ The words were like lemon to the cut, salt to the burn. 

_ Taekwoon. _ Taekwoon, Taekwoon, Taekwoon.  _ God _ !

Jaehwan was scrubbing so hard and fast that were it not for the soapy water he would have probably started a fire. He should have known better. Of course there was something more there. Of course he was just nothing compared to this  _ friend _ . Jaehwan's eyes grew watery from self loathing. This was all his fault. He should have listened to Sanghyuk. He was just asking to get hurt. Wonshik was content with thoughts of anyone else. Jaehwan wasn't needed. 

"Hey-" Sanghyuk came into the kitchen, then immediately squat down to the floor when he saw Jaehwan crumpled there, crying into his hands. His whole form was bent, like he had finally broke under whatever was irritating him. Sanghyuk put a gentle hand on Jaehwan's back, rubbing. 

"Hey, hey now.. what's wrong, Jae? Why are you crying?" Sanghyuk rarely used such a gentle tone on Jaehwan, but it was definitely needed. Jaehwan leaned into Sanghyuk, laying against him as he sobbed. They sat on the kitchen floor some time, Sanghyuk gently rocking Jaehwan in his arms. They eventually eased to silence, sniffling and hiccuping dying out. 

"You were right…"

"Is this about Wonshik?" Jaehwan nodded, staring soulless at the cabinets. 

"He asked for a moment to himself. I heard him moaning Taekwoon." Sanghyuk chewed his lip. 

"The friend?" Jaehwan nodded. Sanghyuk pulled him in closer. "Oh Jae…" 

"I should have listened to you." 

"Stop that."

"I was going to tell him, before I heard. I was getting the courage waiting to come in. When I heard him I…" 

"I understand, Jae." 

"I don't know what I'm going to do, Hyukie." 

"Look, I'll help you tomorrow, but how about right now we get up? You're not going to feel better scrubbing holes in our dishes." Jaehwan meekly nodded, standing with Sanghyuk. Sanghyuk led him to the beds, laying back with him. Sanghyuk usually wasn't so giving in affections like this. A cuddle was a special thing. 

"Good morning, sunshine." Wonshik's smile was as honey sweet as ever, but it left a bitter taste in Jaehwan's mouth. Sanghyuk appeared at his shoulder, putting a steadying hand on it.

"Oh, good morning, Sanghyuk."

"Good morning."

"Are we doing something today?" He tilted his head curiously. He looked so innocent, which only stung Jaehwan worse. He had no idea. At least he had tried to do his bandages himself. Jaehwan didn't know if he could handle touching him right now. Sanghyuk nodded, playing casual much better than Jaehwan. 

"We're going to try to get you up today." Wonshik looked between them both, hesitant. 

"You're sure I can?" 

"We won't have you running around or anything. It'll just be crutches," Sanghyuk explained, nudging Jaehwan forward. The nurse stumbled, then looked back and glared. Sanghyuk just smiled at him. Jaehwan sighed and sat on the bed's edge, fixing Wonshik's attempt at wrapping his wound. Soon they'd Be able to come off. The stitches were healing well. 

"Have there been any letters?" Jaehwan bit back the urge to say no and just pretend like he didn't have a thick envelope right in his scrubs pocket. One letter, white envelope, nice handwriting that had scribbled down the hospital's address. A red stamp. Normal. A completely average letter. When Jaehwan saw it in the mailbox, Sanghyuk had to snatch it away to insure Jaehwan wouldn't rip it to shreds on sight. Jaehwan threw a fit. He wasn't a child. He could handle his emotions fine. 

Then Sanghyuk argued that last night Jaehwan had had a breakdown. Jaehwan assured he was better now, as he tucked the letter away.

He handed it to Wonshik and the soldier practically squealed. Jaehwan hated that it was still cute, that his heart still spattered with fondness. His smile was so bright and good, his excitement approximate to a kid at Christmas as he tore the letter open. Jaehwan was hurt, but he wasn't any less enamored. Wonshik was a love sickness Jaehwan had contracted and had affected him down to his bones. 

There were three pages in the envelope, the other two being set on Wonshik's lap while he read the first. Handwritten. Someone was sitting at home, hand writing love letters to Wonshik. Jaehwan had to look away. The room was quiet as Wonshik ate up every word. Jaehwan couldn't help to smile seeing a grin stretch across Wonshik's face on the second page. 

"What's it say?" Jaehwan smiled gently, pushing aside his emotional turmoil. 

"Taekwoon's coming! Here, and soon. Gosh, I haven't seen him since I got drafted." Sanghyuk put a hand on Jaehwan's shoulder again, rubbing discretely. "I wrote him letters when I was out there, but getting anything back is so difficult when you're everywhere…"

There was a sadness Jaehwan didn't think he had heard in Wonshik's voice before, a longing as he looked at the hand scrawled letters. "I missed him…"

"I'm sure he'll be happy to see you then. When is he coming?" Jaehwan finally spoke up, trying to be civil. 

"The 26th that''s-" 

"Tomorrow," Jaehwan finished, sinking back into himself. Jaehwan's dream world would be dead and six feet under tomorrow. 

"Yes…" Wonshik looked at the letters once more before turning in his bed, digging in the drawers. "I have to write him back! I have to talk to him before he comes! I didn't even know he would be able to make it!" Sanghyuk stepped up and closed the drawer again, gently. 

"Before we get too excited, we should get you exercising. We want to get to it before the fatigue gets you." Wonshik deflated. He looked like a little boy let down, but doing his best to hide it.

"Right, yes. I'm sorry." Sanghyuk offered his hands. Wonshik held them and Hyuk pulled him up, supporting him. 

"It's alright. Jaehwan will fix up things here, and then you can write to Taekwoon." Wonshik nodded, very gradually hopping along with Sanghyuk. He would put Wonshik on crutches. Jaehwan was left alone on the bed, silently staring at where they had once been. The sunshine poured onto the wrinkles of the sheets. jaehwan ran a hand over them, smoothing them out slowly. He stood from the bed with a sigh. 

"Hakyeon?" Jaehwan called, stepping into Hongbin's office. The nurse was there, rifling through files. He looked to Jaehwan curiously, then closed the cabinet. 

"What's wrong?" 

"Nothing! I just… wanted to ask you about something." Hakyeon gestured to one of the chairs in front of Hongbin's desk so Jaehwan sat down. Hakyeon sat at the edge of the desk. 

"Before you got together, before his wife left did you- did you ever have feelings for Hongbin?" Hakyeon jerked his head back, not expecting the question. Jaehwan had known about the two since it happened. Hongbin and his wife had split up a few years ago, and since that point, he and Hakyeon were secretly together. Jaehwan knew because he was the first one to catch them, teaching them to be cautious of being together in the hospital. 

"I certainly found him attractive, and I looked up to him since he's teaching me." 

"But did you have feelings? When you looked at him did you get this urge to be one of those doting housewives just for him? Even though you've never felt like that before and it honestly makes no sense why one stranger can make you feel so absolutely helpless-"

"This isn't about me and Hongbin, is it?" Hakyeon interrupted Jaehwan's rambling, smiling at him. Jaehwan shrunk.

"No.." Hakyeon nodded, sage. 

"Well, I can't say that I got a domestic urge. I didn't want to be his new wife. That being said, I did care about him before the divorce. He was an unattainable fantasy. Who is yours?" Jaehwan looked down at his hands.  _ Unattainable fantasy _ . Way to rub salt into the wound. Jaehwan thought this would help, but now he was second guessing his decision. 

"One of the doctors?"

"No."

"A nurse?"

"No." 

"Is it Sanghyuk?" Hakyeon tilted his head curiously. Jaehwan blanched. 

"I have known Sanghyuk far too long to ever be attracted to him." Hakyeon laughed. 

"So it must be that Wonshik then, hm?" 

"Am I that obvious?" Hakyeon took Jaehwan's hand, patting it sweetly. 

"Yes, you are. The way you stared at him when he was here was enough. Even if it wasn't, your only other assigned patient is in comatose. I would be concerned if it were him." Jaehwan looked down at his hands, picking at his nails. Hakyeon sighed and stood from the desk, moving to sit on the arm of the chair Jaehwan was in. He wrapped an arm around the younger nurse's shoulders. 

"Why are you asking me about this, dear?" 

"I know now that he has someone and I know that I shouldn't keep pining but I can't stop. I fell in too miserably hard." Hakyeon shook his head softly, hugging Jaehwan to his side. "I know I can't have him, so why aren't the feelings gone?" 

"The heart doesn't work like that, especially with someone as innocent as you. You have to learn to live without that fantasy again." 

"His lover is coming tomorrow…" 

"You're truly being tested, aren't you?" Jaehwan nodded, numb. Hakyeon's hand rubbing his arm kept him grounded, if only mildly. 

"Wonshik is so good and he deserves to see his love again but… I know how much it will hurt having to see them together. Look at them have what I couldn't."

"You have too big of a heart, Jaehwan." He scoffed cynically. 

"Obviously."

"No, it's a good thing. If I were that way with Hongbin, I very much might have hated his wife. Despised her from having a life with my man. But you see that Wonshik still deserves happiness. You don't want to hurt him with your jealousy."

"What do I do?"

"Go back to how it was, create a space between you. If he can't share love, then there's no point in torturing yourself over trying to replace this lover." That's what Jaehwan feared. He had grown too accustomed to the resident butterflies inside him. He didn't want them to go and leave with his joy of looking at Wonshik. 

Jaehwan was sent back when Hongbin returned to the office. He couldn't look at the domesticity of Hakyeon taking Hongbin's small gloves off for him. He didn't want to see the way Hakyeon's spirit seemed to glow in Hongbin's presence. Jaehwan wasn't allowed to look at Wonshik like that anymore, why should anyone else get to look like that? Jaehwan had a bitter taste in his mouth. 

Wonshik was back in bed. The room was as peaceful as ever yet today that made Jaehwans skin itch. He wanted out. There was no Sanghyuk in sight though, probably because Wonshik was sound asleep in his bed, book resting on his lap. Jaehwan's book. He saw the slip of paper on Wonshik's table, and a thought flashed in his head so violently he could have gone blind.

He was just going to pick it up, just going to take it with the other patient mail. That's all he was going to do. He slipped the paper off the table as silently as possible and skittered away, letter in tow. It was so wrong, so invasive. Once he rounded the hall he opened it hastily, unfolding it and feasting his eyes on Wonshik's handwriting. 

_ My love,  _

_ Recovery is going as well as possible. Jaehwan and the doctor both tell that I healed as I should have, that I am making excellent progress. It makes me happy, for the faster I recover, the quicker I can come back to you. Being alone, being here without you, it is its own form of torture. When I'm alone in this silent hospital room, I long to have your hand to hold, to hear you chastise me for my flirting. Please hurry to be here. I need my love beside me. All I have is Jaehwan, who is such a sweet little thing, but he is not a lover. I cannot hold him to my chest and kiss him to morning light. It's been so long without you I may go faint from just a simple embrace from you.  _

_ The captain did discharge me, and many of the nurses here have given me ample warning. Adjusting will be hard. There will be therapy, there will be job hunting. I hardly believe it can be that difficult when I've only been gone for a year, but we shall see. If you are there to help me everyday, then it will all work out. Perhaps we could get a home together in the city? We'll need to move to one for the therapy, and I'll need someone to take care of me. I can think of no one but you but I would grant the offer. It's an intimate task, you'd have to be up to the challenge. _

_ Please tell of our baby. How is he? Has he missed me? I miss laying with him and just relaxing. I miss both of you, our family. Were I able, I would have bragged about you to every man within my quadrant. The two of you are a gift on earth.  _

Jaehwan's heart returned to its old place again, broken at his feet. He blinked at the paper in his hands and he sunk against the wall while holding the letter to his chest. Jaehwan had learned so much more than he had ever bargained for. Wonshik had baby! This man had a family that he just chose not to mention! Jaehwan was infatuated with a father. A father who had flirted with him without any mention of a baby or a beau back home. The latter he could understand, but a child? 

It was cute, and bittersweet, to imagine however. This beautiful strong man sitting in a rocking chair, baby cradled in his arms and a light melody on his tongue. This lover coming behind him, hands on his shoulders, looking at their pride and joy. They'd smile, exchange a kiss. Jaehwan wanted to rip up the letter. He wanted to tear it up and tear away any of those ideas from his mind. He didn't though. He took deep breaths as a doctor walked past and stood up. Through gritted teeth he took the love letter to the front and stamped it for him. The stamp was crooked from Jaehwan's internalized agitation. It was his fault for prying. He did this to himself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> contact Info:  
[Tumblr](https://minoru-hayashi.tumblr.com)  
[Twitter](https://twitter.com/russ__Ant)  
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[Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.me/russ__Ant)  



	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had been stuck on one scene since early march because I'm an idiot that overcomplicates
> 
> I feel like this should be longer but there's really nothing i can add

“Jaehwan, would you- would you please help me?” Jaehwan rounded the dividing curtain to see Wonshik with nearly a whole roll of bandage unwound. He was scowling, something jaehwan had yet to see. He had seen grimaces of pain, but never this glare of frustration. It fell when he actually looked up to Jaehwan. Whether it was intentional or not, he gave him a pleading kind of look, soft puppy eyes. Jaehwan felt that distinct ache in his heart again. He gathered up the bandages for him and loosely wound them up again. He sat down on the edge of the bed.

“What’s wrong?” He asked as he bandaged the stiches. He didn’t realize he had missed the closeness. 

“Nothing’s wrong. I’m just- I’m just nervous.” He watched Jaehwan, and absolutely did not meet his eye when the nurse looked up. 

“I thought you’d be excited.” Wonshik shrank backwards. Did he always act so puppy-like? 

“I am! I just… had a lot of time to think last night and-”

“Ah, I see.” Wonshik looked up for that, just through his lashes at Jaehwan. The nurse smiled a little, finishing the wrapping. “You couldn’t sleep so you stayed up worrying.”

“Is it that obvious..?” 

“No, but I’ve seen it with other soldiers, other amputees. You don’t see someone for so long and this insecurity builds up. While you’ve been away, they’ve been living their lives. A lot of men get really scared.” Jaehwan absently stared at the sheets, remembering other patients. Others that made his heart and knees weak. It was a trend, getting so scared of the first visit. They’d been so away from their old realities for so long that they felt left out, left behind. They would sit there petrified that their old world had moved on without them. They wouldn’t have the same home to come back to. Sure, it had happened, or so he assumed through nurse gossip, but not nearly as much as these men feared. Most of their patients had families waiting on bated breath for them to come home. Jaehwan cut off the fantasy at the idea of family, Wonshik’s happy little family. 

“I don’t feel scared. I’m worried about how he’s been. He gets so nervous, and despite what he says he doesn't like to be alone. I’m his only friend, really. What if me leaving really hurt him? What if he doesn’t like how I am now?”

“Who wouldn’t like you?” Jaehwan humored wistfully.

“I just know he did not sign up for dealing with this,” he gestured to his lap, meaning the leg that was still on Jaehwan’s thighs, “When he- when he got close to me. I don’t know if he’ll want to… help, I guess. Stick around.” Jaehwan grabbed Wonshik’s hand and held it until the soldier looked at him in surprise. Jaehwan quickly took his hand away seeing the mistake. 

“Wonshik, he is your best friend, the only person you have been worried about for, what, years? Why would he give you up over something you couldn’t help? He’s coming here to see you today! That means something! You should be ecstatic to have your friend back!” Jaehwan offered a smile. He felt like he was trying to console a kid with fake happiness. He was in no way thrilled to meet this Taekwoon, but he wasn’t going to sit and watch the regretful apple of his eye beat himself up. Wonshik deserved happiness, even if it came at the price of Jaehwan’s. Wonshik nodded hesitantly. 

“When you’re alone with your thoughts all night, you just...” 

“I know, Shik. That’s why I’m here, to help you.” Wonshik smiled and leaned forward, a warm hand on jaehwan’s cheek.

“Thank you sunshine.” Jaehwan blinked, breathless, before coming back to himself. He slid off the bed and put the spare bandage away. 

“We need to get you to relax before he comes. How about a walk?” Wonshik nodded, situating himself onto the edge of the bed.

This was one of Jaehwan’s favorite things, walking patients around and talking to them. He loved the domesticity of it. Him, pushing the wheelchair about the long halls, and his patient watching, chatting with him. There was one before. He loved to gossip and gab about old war buddies or nurses. Maybe that’s where it started, Jaehwan’s love for the walk and talk. Wonshik was a good partner too, not as talkative, but he radiated a warmness, a contentment. He had his bed blanket around him, holding it around him like a cloak.

“How are you and Sanghyuk?” Jaehwan blinked at the question, a little caught off guard. 

“Oh, we’re… we’re good. Nothing has really changed lately.”

“You’re just around each other a lot more. It’s cute. I’m glad you two trust me, and I promise I won't mention it to anyone else.” Jaehwan stared at him, lost. What in the world was he talking about? Wonshik laughed to himself a little. “Although, who would I tell? I guess you two must have already considered that.” Jaehwan stopped pushing the chair, halting them in the hallway of windows that connected the lobby to room B. 

“Wonshik,” Jaehwan dropped his voice down to a whisper, “Wonshik, do you think we’re a couple?” Wonshik blinked at him, then a look washed over him. 

“Oh, I didn't- I just assumed. I’m sorry. I-” He moved like he was about to get out of the chair before realizing he couldn’t. An attempt at an escape. “I didn’t mean to imply anything, about either of you.”

“Sanghyuk likes women.”

“I see that now,” Wonshik muttered with a grimace. Jaehwan began to push the wheelchair again, chewing his lip. He finally said it with a sigh. 

“We don’t, though, do we?” Wonshik turned around to look at him so fast Jaehwan was shocked he didn't get whiplash. Jaehwan looked back at him and only offered a slight smile, an assurance that, yes, he was being serious. Wonshik looked back in front of him, mumbling,

“I guess not.”

“Me and Sanghyuk are just roommates, like I told you. He’s just been around more because- because you’re moving around now, and I’ve been having a,” He cleared his throat, "tough time. Sanghyuk is just a good friend to me.”

“Are you okay?” Wonshik asked predictably, even with that caring voice and tender look back at Jaehwan.  _ Just put up with it a little longer. He’ll be distracted by his beau soon enough. _ He smiled at Wonshik, nodding. 

“Yes, I’m fine. It’s nothing you should have to worry about.” Wonshik pat his hand on the handlebar gently. 

“I did notice you seemed.. Off. Sunshine didn’t seem as bright anymore, so to speak.”  _ Oh if only you knew _ . 

Behind the hospital, there was a courtyard. It wasn't any sprawling garden, but it provided a space for patients to walk and get fresh air while also having a level path. It was regular practice to bring out older folks who could live outside of bed. The fresh air helped. It was basically a large circle with bushes and a small tree in the center. Benches sat in the grass beside the path as well. Jaehwan intended to just go around the circle, but was stopped by a hand on the wheel, stopping the wheelchair in front of the bench.

"Sit," Wonshik invited, before struggling to move his wheelchair on his own. Jaehwan sat down on the bench as Wonshik accidentally ran into it. He laughed and Jaehwan smiled in return.

"I'll get the hang of it, I swear." He fixed himself so they were both phasing the little tree. It always blossomed beautifully in the spring. Wonshik would be gone by then though. There weren't many birds singing, still too cold for their return. Jaehwan put his hands between his thighs to keep them warm. Wonshik just wrapped his blanket around himself tighter. 

"I want to say thank you, for everything." Jaehwan blinked, looking at the soldier. His eyes were fixed on some distant point, fogged with thought. Jaehwan briefly thought that he would look so beautiful if the snow were about to fall, gently resting on his black hair and eyelashes. "You've been incredibly good to me. To the point I'd consider you a friend rather than a nurse." Jaehwan gulped, nodding softly. "I've felt.. alone. I was out there for two years. Granted, that's not that long, but I had never felt as isolated as I did there. Everyday I was worried about my life, if I'd be able to come back home to Taekwoon, how I would die. There's a lot of time. Time where you need to sleep but you just stare up at the ceiling or sky above you and  _ think _ . I imagined every possible scenario at least a million times. Shot down in a charge, blown up, poison gas. The only friend I had was my mind, and it wasn't kind. Really," he gave a dark chuckle, "this is the best outcome I could have gotten." He gestured to his leg again. "All that death and all I lose is a leg, how lucky is that?" Jaehwan didn't return his smile. "That's why I'm happy to be here. That's why you're sunshine. You were like a breath of fresh air after hiding away, the sun after a storm. I'm glad I met you, especially when I did. I wouldn't have been able to handle all of this without you." 

He smiled, not a beam but a look so gentle and smooth that it melted Jaehwan's bones. He was shivering under his cardigan, but his heart was warm in his chest. Wonshik liked him, needed him. He thought Jaehwan was good, healing to be near. Jaehean held a hand to his eyes, blinking away a sudden wetness he felt in them. Wonshik cooed and reached out to him. 

"Oh please don't cry. If you cry I will." That just deepened the ache. Jaehwan hiccuped a cry, trying to keep it inside him as he felt Wonshik's large hand softly rubbing his knee.

"T-thank you, Wonshik."

"Oh don't thank me, sunshine. I was just thinking out loud. I thought it might help you, hearing how good you are." Jaehwan sobbed again, shaking his head quickly. 

"Don't talk like that, you'll make it worse." Wonshik chuckled, patting Jaehwan's thigh. 

"Alright, sunshine."

Jaehwan eventually gathered himself, wearing out all his tears. His eyes and cheeks were probably red, but he could blame that on the cold. He moved in close to Wonshik, taking the hand on his lap.  _ Forget about Taekwoon, the child. Just appreciate Wonshik as he is now, while you still have him _ . There was only so much time left. 

"Wonshik, I- thank you." Wonshik smiled and nodded silently. Jaehwan took a deep breath of the cold air. "I need to tell you something. I know it will change things and that its so, so late to say it but- but if I don't, I fear that I'll never forgive myself. Wonshik, I-" 

"Lee?" A voice called from the door to the courtyard, "There's someone here for Wonshik!" Just like that, Wonshik's hand was out of his and he was pushing his wheelchair as fast as he could. Jaehwan stared at where he had formerly been. 

Following after Wonshik, Jaehwan was in a daze. He felt like the world had been tugged out from under his feet. He put his hand against the wall as he walked, trying to remain steady. This was the moment. He had to prepare his heart to break. He was ready, he lied. He could handle this, he told himself. He'd pick up the pieces just as he always did. There was a new car you could see out the lobby windows. He could hear them as he came closer.

There he was. Wonshik hadn't even made it to the desk. He had clearly just made the turn when this.. friend was thrown onto him. He had fallen into Wonshik, knee between Wonshik's legs on the seat and arms so tightly wrapped around him he might as well have been strangling him. There was an ugly sobbing, a desperate whispering. Wonshik's hands were on him, holding him. He was holding the other man, the one Jaehwan would never be. His head was buried in Wonshik's hair. His long untamed locks contrasted the neat cut of his lover. Wonshik was the one who touched that hair, tangled his fingers in it in kisses and intimate moments between them. It's pitch black straightness was distinctly unlike Jaehwan's light curls. Of course. He wasn't Jaehwan, he never would be. Their places were irreversible. 

"Taeky, you're suffocating me!" Wonshik was crying, or laughing. It didn't matter. The  _ friend  _ pulled away from his hug, smiling despite the tears rolling down his face. 

"Be quiet, bastard," it was said with a shove. Wonshik shone like the stars themselves at his voice, at the insult. Jaehwan was glad he was braced against the wall. 

"I missed you so much, Taek." Taekwoon held Wonshik's face in his hands, holding their foreheads together. 

"I missed you more than I could withstand, Wonshik." Jaehwan missed before. Before the letter. Before the bath. He missed the time when all he saw wasn't Wonshik's enamored smile or Taekwoon's tear soaked face. He missed when he was a stupid, blind, lovesick idiot. 

Taekwoon was so unlike him. So not him. His face wasn't as round and soft as Jaehwan's. Sharper, more mature, probably smarter too. He was thin and tall, not soft and honestly getting pudgy like the nurse. Most importantly, he had Wonshik wrapped around him. He had a silver ring on his finger. It might as well have been bright red, standing out in Jaehwan's eyes like a flashing light. It sat so perfectly on his hand. It belonged there. 

"This is Jaehwan. He's been with me through it all." Taekwoon was in front of him now, holding his hand and bowing deeply. Jaehwan blinked. 

"Thank you. Thank you for taking care of him."

"I was just doing my job…" Jaehwan lost all the air in his lungs. Taekwoon's eyes were cutting, balancing the soft curve of his lips. His smile was minute, only a slight upturn of the corner of his lips. Jaehwan just blinked at him, rock in his throat. 

"I cannot physically thank you enough." 

"No need.."

"Ease off him, Taek." Jaehwan's hand was released, Wonshik tugging on Taekwoon's sleeve. There was a spark when they looked at eachother. Jaehwan walked around them with shaking knees. 

"Let me get you somewhere private to talk.."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry its so short rip
> 
> At least taekwoon is finally here!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Step on jaehwans heart in heels, the fanfic 
> 
> Wontaeks you're finally getting your food. I like cried at certain points writing this lskgshlsgks

“I’d like to talk to you, if you have the time.” Taekwoon turned, looking at the point where Jaehwan caught him by the wrist. He blinked at Jaehwan, and it made him sick how completely innocent and unaware his eyes seemed. Jaehwan was a stranger after all. Just a random man who had cared for Wonshik. He had no importance to the other man outside of that. 

“What for?”

“You.” He let go of Taekwoon’s wrist rather abruptly. “You two, I mean. You and Wonshik. If that’s alright.” He faced Jaehwan completely now, adjusting his bag on his shoulder. It was a big bag. He must have been a little strong himself. Good. good. He’d be able to help Wonshik better that way. 

“I’m fine with it, in private.” Jaehwan waved his hand.

“Of course! I don’t mean for you to tell me everything at this very moment- I’m still on the clock- I just,” he jutted out his hand, giving Taekwoon the slip of paper, “This is the number to my phone at home. I’ll wait anxiously tonight.” Taekwoon took the paper. His motions so delicate compared to Jaehwan’s. He had pretty hands, long fingers that held the paper. He smiled at Jaehwan, a cool, business smile. 

“Thank you.”

“You don’t have to, if you don’t feel inclined to. I know you don’t know me well- or, at all really- but I'd like to know more. And maybe someday you’ll need to call me! For help!” He was an embarrassment. He knew he was. He was probably red up to his ears and shaking like the dead branches of the trees. He could pass both off on the cold though. He ran out of the hospital in only his uniform. January was especially cold this year. Taekwoon tucked the paper into his coat pocket.

“I’ll keep you in mind. Goodnight.” He ducked his head, turning back to walk to his car.  _ Their car? _ It was cherry red, stuck out among the slush and snow. Not very befitting of the Taekwoon he had seen so far, but certainly befitting of Wonshik. A prewar Wonshik, one with hair unexposed to the ugly shave and eyes that hadn’t seen too much. He wouldn’t be able to drive now, Jaehwan thought. Taekwoon would have to be his chifure as well. Taekwoon would have to be his everything in his recovery. Jaehwan waved limply back at Taekwoon, who was now in the car and putting it into drive. A brooding man in a cherry red car. Wonshik’s car. 

Jaehwan moved as quickly through his duties as seemed possible, and yet the clock did not want to move with him. It ticked by almost begrudgingly, while Jaehwan did everything in his power to make it go. Wonshik was asleep, cozied under his white blankets. There was a new one, one that Taekwoon brought. A  _ home blanket _ . Jaehwan could smell it the moment Taekwon brought it from the bag. That was what enveloped you at their home. What Wonshik and Taekwoon’s lives blended together to make. Wonshik almost wept when Taekwoon handed it over. He had cried a lot that day. He cried over Taekwoon, over his stories, over pictures. Jaehwan just clutched onto the arm of his chair tighter each time. It was a red blanket, crocheted. The closer to center it got, the darker the red. Wonshik kept it around his shoulders the entire visit, falling asleep in it while Taekwoon was talking to him. Jaehwan beat the urge to pull it off of him now that he was asleep and unaware. 

Jaehwan got off at nine after an excruciating hour of work that moved much too slow. Once he clocked off, he didn't even wait for Sanghyuk. He darted to their bus stop, putting on his coat in the process of getting out the door. Sanghyuk called after him, but Jaehwan was already halfway to the cover that designated the stop. He was going to get home, and he was going to get answers. Little snow had stuck to the ground. It was mostly wet slush that now gathered around the shoveled sidewalk. If Jaehwan's shoes were to get wet in that moment though, he wouldn't have even noticed. He barely had the attention to shiver as he waited for the late night bus. Or to Sanghyuk as he huffed and sat next to him on the bench. He asked what the big rush was. Jaehwan only said that he had a very important call. 

"I better not have to wait in the bathroom all night for you to talk," he complained. He did that on his own volition, hiding in the bathroom. It was the only private area in their little studio apartment, and he chose to at least pretend he was granting Jaehwan privacy by hiding in there. Jaehwan didn't say anything though, just watched over the hill for the headlights. 

* * *

Jaehwan sat on the edge of his bed and stared at the phone on the nightstand. Its black paint reflected the light of the lamp. Shiny, rarely used. Jaehwan moved it so it could be close, anticipating a story worth taking a seat. He stood and stared at the phone for a few minutes after they came in. Almost daring it to ring. Sanghyuk waved a hand in front of him after a while though and Jaehwan broke away. He changed out of his uniform and into his pajamas. Then he sat back down in front of the phone. He adjusted the cord, detangling it from itself. He made sure the phone itself was centered in its slot, fixed evenly between the metal prongs. He stared again, but it didn't ring. He looked down to his pajamas and adjusted the buttons, folded out the creases. He stared at the phone again. 

"You already moved on from that soldier?" Sanghyuk asked behind him, glass of water in hand. It was an innocent question. Jaehwan shook his head softly, burning the rotary numbers into his brain. He started bouncing his knees. "Who would be calling you this late then?" 

"Someone." 

"Should I be concerned? You're acting rather…" he gestured at the back of Jaehwan's head with a flippant hand movement. Jaehwan didn't turn to see him, but he knew. 

"It's just a talk. He has information I want to know."

"Jaehwan…" And it was said in that little tone, like he had figured out what was happening and he was disappointed. 

"It's harmless." 

"Is it that poor man's beau? Jae," Sanghyuk sat down on the other side of the bed, body half turned so he could face Jaehwan's back side, "This really isn't good for you."

"I never said who it was." Why wasn't it ringing yet? Did he fall asleep? Was he just saying it out of courtesy? Courtesy for the protector of your lover? Courtesy for Wonshik's confidant? 

"I know you have to work with him, but Jaehwan, let him go. Digging deeper is just going to deepen the wound." 

"I didn't go to school all my life to not know about wounds." Sanghyuk sighed. Jaehwan could see the little specks of other colors in the black plastic of the phone. 

“Fine,” he spoke as he rose up from the bed. “I’ll be in the bath.”

Jaehwan nearly jumped from his skin when the phone did ring. He had been almost lulled to sleep by the sound of Sanghyuk filling the tub in the other room. It was dreadfully late, but Jaehwan felt wide awake now. There was an anxious thump in his heart, nearly making his hand shake. He snatched up the phone and held it to his ear in both hands. 

“Hello?”

“Nurse Lee?” Jaehwan sighed to himself, nodding. 

“Yes, yes that’s me.”

“Did I call too late?” His voice on the phone was different, a little more clear and sharp.

“No, no, I only got off work,” he looked at the clock on the wall, “an hour ago.”

“I wasn’t sure what was the right time. I'm glad.” 

“Thank you for following through.”

“It would be rather impolite not to.” He always spoke with such authority, so briefly. It unnerved Jaehwan a little. He was so precise and quick, and here was Jaehwan. No wonder Wonshik had no interest in him. 

“Has the night been treating you well?” Jaehwan attempted at normality. 

“It has. Yours?”

“Yeah…” he stared at his cup he put on the bedside table, “It’s been nice.”

There was silence for a moment, neither quite sure where to start. Jaehwan felt as though he swallowed a rock. He knew what he wanted to hear, but he couldn’t be so bold as to just skip right to it. He didn’t want to hear Taekwoon speak, be speaking to him, for more than strictly necessary. Being near him or hearing him made his skin crawl like he had been caught doing something wrong. Maybe he had.

“How did you two meet?” He blurted out. His eyes were on the cup, but a million miles away. 

“School, I was his tutor.” 

“You were?” Taekwoon made a noise, like a little puff of amusement.

“He needed a tutor, and I needed a job that was flexible with soccer.” Oh god he was literally perfect.

“You play?” 

“Not anymore. I was captain then though, and he was failing language arts.”

“So you tutored him…”

“So I tutored him.” 

“And then?”

“We became friends. He tried to get close to me so he could weasel his way out of his work. It became less of a job, we started seeing each other outside of his dining room. He was a difficult person to not like.”

“Did you,” Jaehwan licked his lips, “Did you know?” He almost whispered it into the phone. Taekwoon still heard though.

“Not at first.” There was no need for specifics. They had all been raised in this language of codes and secrets. “But then, neither did he, about me, that is. I think he still wasn’t sure himself then. He was always so scared of girls, but he wasn’t scared of me, being close to me. If he knew back then, I think he would have been more timid, less affectionate. He likes to play a bastard, but he really is forthcoming with his love.” he really was. Wonshik was so easy to love. He was so handsome, so sweet, so redeemable. His chaste care for Jaehwan was always apparent, always abundant. He was sweet, and he was good. Jaehwan wanted to cry. “I knew though. I had always known that about myself. It was wrong, but I knew I wasn’t looking at girls the same way everyone else was when high school began. It was a fault I couldn't control, so I just avoided it. Until Wonshik.”

“So you told him first?”

“No.” He laughed, truly laughed. It was pretty, louder than how he spoke, like it slipped out of him unintentionally. Jaehwan held his hand over his mouth as he glared at the table strong enough to set it alight. “He told me first. It was cute, now that we’re together and I look back at it.” Now that we’re  _ together _ . Taekwoon didn’t emphasize that word, but he might as well have. “I came over to tutor him and he wasn’t obviously paying attention because he asked me if I ever had a girlfriend.”

“Did you?”

“No. Neither did he. I told him no and he tried so hard to beat around the bush, say it without saying it, you know?”

“Yes…”

“‘Do you just not have the time? Or are the girls here not pretty enough for you? Do you want a girlfriend?” He quoted, very amused. “I couldn’t say it, so I asked him the same question. Do you want one? He just stared at the textbook with this look. He said something like ‘not anymore’ and then we were quiet for a moment.” He stopped, more like he was remembering than for dramatic effect. Jaehwan hated how well he could picture it. The two of them huddled together at the table, Wonshik with his head on his arms. Was he as much a pretty boy back then? “I told him I felt the same way, and I think he understood. I think we learnt a lot more about one another not speaking than most people.” His tone was meditative, miles and miles and years away.

“I think, when he asked that, that was when he started having feelings for me. He seemed a little more shy. He’s not a shy person, not in a normal sense, but he can't flirt.” He laughed again and Jaehwan moved his body on the bed. He laid down prostrate, looking up at the ceiling. He felt like he was water spinning down into the drain. “He became awkward. He’d touch me as a friend, then jerk away once he realized. We started to tease each other a lot more after that. I think, because we’re both men, that was the only kind of flirting we thought was safe. I couldn’t spend all my hours talking about him, getting him things. That would make us too obvious.” 

“He told me- he said there was someone he fought for you.”

“Ah.” a single syllable. He’d probably completely forgotten it. “Yeah. We weren’t so subtle to some people. A kid found us talking together between classes and connected a few dots. He liked to scare me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s life. Someday it might change, but I knew what the consequences were when I was a kid.”

“So he fought for you, what happened after?”

“What did he tell you?”

“That he went to the hospital when he went home and his mother saw." Taekwoon hummed. Not good or bad, just a soft little noise. "Was that not the case?"

"No, but that's what he says, to those who don't know." Of course, Jaehwan couldn't be trusted with the true story. He couldn't be allowed to know about Taekwoon and how close he was to Wonshik. Jaehwan shouldn't have felt as offended as he did, but that didn't stop him. 

"I wasn't there when they fought. I told him not to and that I'd kill him if he did, but he's as stubborn as a mule. I was at home. Maybe an hour after the time they'd set, he was at my door, the collar of his shirt all bloody and he's panting. He doesn't do anything but ask if I have any bandages. I think I just about had heart failure. I shoved him into the bathroom as fast as I could. I was so stressed over it I didn't even realize I was undoing his buttons for him, or the look he was giving me. I cleaned him off and patched him up, it wasn't that deep of a cut. I remember being so nervous at how quiet he was though. I've always been the quiet one out of us, but he didn't say anything in that bathroom. Not until I looked at him. I looked at his eyes and they were so  _ sad _ . Big, puppy dog eyes. I asked if he was okay. I was so worried he was in too much pain. But, he just kissed me. I wasn't sure what to do at first, if it was even happening. I remember his hands in my hair; I've always had long hair. I remember him putting our foreheads together after and saying that he will always protect me. I cried. I cried like a baby. I was so worried for him and I cared about him so much so for him to come in hurt and then reciprocate that feeling… It was a lot. I kissed him back, more of smashed my face to his, but still. After that, we were completely inseparable. The world couldn't tear me away from Wonshik." 

Jaehwan held the phone away from his face, wiping his face on his sleeve. He had tried to keep the speaker in his ear while also keeping Taekwoon from hearing him sniffle the whole story. He shouldn't have done this to himself. He was Icarus, flying too close to the sun and now he was burnt. Burnt by the idea of what he couldn't have. Could never have. They were happy, and to destroy that would only give him more guilt. Some people were lucky, Jaehwan just wasn't one of them. 

"You've been together since," he choked out, covering it with a cough. He was fine. This was fine. Taekwoon did that little laugh again.

"Yes. We live together."

"When did you get the baby?" Jaehwans heart jumped up to his throat. 

"The baby? Pertti?"

" _ Pertti?" _

"Yeah he's a daddy's boy. We got him from the shelter three years before he was drafted." 

"The baby.. the baby is a dog?" Taekwoon snorted, obviously amused by Jaehwan's epiphany. 

"He made it sound like we have a real baby, didn't he?" 

"A bit…" Jaehwan felt nauseous. 

“I’m not shocked. He loves that dog so much it might as well be his son. He’s missed him something terrible the time he’s been gone. Both of them missed each other, judging by the letters.”

“Yes…” Jaehwan forced himself to share in Taekwoon’s friendly little chuckle. This was fine, really. “I should be heading off to bed soon.” He looked at the clock, anxiously twisting the phone cord about his finger. 

“Right, of course.”

“Thank you, for calling me.”

“Of course.” Jaehwan could  _ hear _ him politely smiling. “A friend of Wonshik is a friend of mine.” Jaehwan choked down his whimper. He was going to throw himself from the window if he ever heard that again. He barely said goodbye, easing the phone back to its place. Then, he eased himself to the floor and wrapped arms around his legs and buried his face. He wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> contact Info:  
[Twitter](https://twitter.com/russ__Ant)  
[DA](https://www.deviantart.com/rus-ant)  
[Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.me/russ__Ant)  
Not to be unsubtle or anything but yknow... I have an ego.. i like.. comments vksgkgksgkskgs

**Author's Note:**

> contact Info:  
[Tumblr](https://minoru-hayashi.tumblr.com)  
[Twitter](https://twitter.com/russ__Ant)  
[DA](https://www.deviantart.com/rus-ant)  
[Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.me/russ__Ant)  



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